guilt chords struck

José’s experience is shaped by poverty and colonialism in a way far more extreme than anything I have lived through, but the emotional core felt deeply familiar. The sense of always being slightly out of place. Of moving between worlds without ever being fully claimed by one.

Growing up Asian in California, I often felt international in both directions. In the US, I was never fully American. There were subtle reminders everywhere, questions about where I was “really” from, assumptions about my family, my food, my language. But when I returned to Asia, I was suddenly “white-washed,” too American, too foreign in my behavior and thinking. I belonged just enough to be recognized, but not enough to be embraced. That in-between space becomes exhausting over time.

José lives this tension constantly. His education lifts him out of Black Shack Alley, but it does not give him entry into the world beyond it. Instead, it creates distance. He becomes too different from the people he grew up with, while still never being accepted by those with power. What struck me most was how realistic this felt. Advancement does not erase origin. Success does not guarantee belonging.

I’m grateful that, to me, there is no longer a ‘better’ culture I wish to assimilate to, I’m happy with being from both and getting both sides of benefits, but unfortunately for Jose, there is a ‘better’ end goal of wealth and getting away from his roots, which makes it all the harder.

The novel captures the emotional cost of this displacement with brutal honesty. José’s shame, guilt, pride, and gratitude all exist at the same time. There is no clean emotional resolution and you can be grateful for opportunity while mourning what it costs you. You can love where you come from while feeling disconnected from it.

M’man Tine’s sacrifice intensified this for me. Her life is shaped entirely around José’s future, and she gains nothing tangible from his success. That dynamic mirrors a quieter version of immigrant parent guilt I recognize deeply. Parents who exhaust themselves so their children can move forward, while knowing that forward movement often means emotional distance. Progress comes with loss, and no one really talks about how heavy that feels.

Black Shack Alley does not offer comfort or closure. It simply tells the truth. Belonging is not guaranteed by hard work, intelligence, or assimilation. Sometimes, you learn to live in the in-between, carrying gratitude and guilt side by side.

Another theme I was thinking about was José’s increasing shame toward Black Shack Alley as he advances in school, which made me deeply sad but also curious to the root of it. So my question is, Is this shame self-protective, imposed by society, or something he actively learns through education?